MB's school celebrated "Grandparents Day" this week: a muchly-anticipated opportunity to show of all the adorable things Kindergartners do to perhaps the most forgiving audience ever.
In lew of the fact that all three sets of her grandparents live in the Northwest, I got to "sub" as Grandma for her classroom visit, and my stomach was in a knot for days just thinking about it.
I'll explain further. The last couple years she did "Grandparent's Day" at her pre-school, and each time, the day was filled with tears and "If onlys" for days afterward. Such a sentimental and bright kiddo--MB hates being far away from her family and sometimes I'm right there with here. Oh, we're better prepared now, the day went just fine, but still filled with thoughts of family far away.
It's hard to explain to a five-year old (and some adults) why we live in Southern California when BOTH sides of our extended family mostly live up North. It's very hard when we are thrust into situations that make this distance just a little harder--Holidays and Birthdays and all those sentimental moments where the "If only" monster comes out to play.
The backstory (feel free to skip if you've heard this): Jeff and I were both raised outside Portland, OR. (yes, one and the same of "Portlandia" fame) Small world: our many childhood friends somehow knew each other. His brother even shared a class with my sister--but our paths didn't cross until college. Jeff was home for the summer and I was getting ready to go to University of Oregon that fall. We had a lot of individual hopes and dreams that had already come to a crashing halt by the time we were both 18. For one, he'd gone to college in Azusa chasing a girl that broke-up with him the week his Freshman year started. "If only!" As for me, I was on my way to University of Oregon the same year my parents divorced..."If only!" Things did not work out the way we'd planned, but after a stunning year of an intense romance, we were engaged, I was moving to LA, and God worked out our "if onlys" into a MUCH better plan.
We joke that we've been on the "two-year-plan" to live in LA for about ten years now--and as of yet, God keeps giving us reasons to stay.
So now we are ten years and two kids into California living, and now MB is old enough to miss her grandparents and I get it. I do. It's not really a problem to miss the ones you love: it just reminds you how much you love them. The problem is when you miss an imaginary Never-Never Land where you never lived in the first place...and while you are busy missing this imaginary Never-Never Land, you ACTUALLY miss the life God gave you, the moment you are in.
In my "If Only" Never-Never Land mental adventure:
I live on the same block as all my friends and family. We never fight, and if we did ever fight it would be quickly resolved over a bowl of rocky-road ice cream. The street is lined with beautiful old trees, and every person recycles. And rides their bike to work. And loves their job. And volunteers to help children and old people who are cherished for their wisdom. In my Never-Never Land, we manage to survive this utopia with a sense of witty humor and authenticity, fault and strengths on our sleeves, no add-nausium necessary.
What's wierd is that when I spell it all out like that, that place OBVIOUSLY does not exist on this planet, so it's easy for me to live in reality. But the more subtle "if onlys" we are sometimes not sharp enough to catch.
"If only" I lived in Oregon...I'd be avoiding sales-tax right now.
"If only" MB's grandparents fly down for every important event...
These "If Only" scenarios are JUST as fictitious as my utopia Never-Never Land! (they are just dressed in "closer to reality" sheeps-clothing). Earth to Teresa: if you are woefully dreaming about an "If only" scenario you have two options.
1. PURSUE the dream one step at a time. If it is important, God of the universe will make it happen if you step-up to bat.
2. LET IT GO! If it is not happening right now, guess what, it is NOT real. It's a Never-Never Land and it is stealing this moment.
Ask yourself why you want it so badly and see if you can answer that need with an actual walk into reality.'
"Where there is no vision, people perish." Proverbs 29:18
I remember the book "The Alchemist," which, coincidentally, I read the year Jeff's and got together. It is FULL of amazing reminders about how important it is to have vision and to pursue your dream. But that's the trick...don't sit there dreaming and stuck in Never-Never Land, but boldly pursue reality--without fear of failure.
"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky." Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."
0 comments:
Post a Comment